Let's Dance!

Back in my high school days, I was quite the drama dork. I was frustrated that in order to get any kind of acting experience, I had perform in the lame-ass 30+ year-old shows that suburban high school drama clubs always do (Anything Goes, Annie, Fiddler on the Roof). They were the kind of shows that didn’t offend anyone and packed the house with Grandmas. As a young, energetic, heterosexual male who liked to go onstage and kick some theatrical ass (granted, there weren’t many of us), something was always missing. I just couldn’t get pumped about Dolly and Mr. Vandergelder getting married, or Tevye and Golde finally packing it up to leave Anatevka. There just wasn’t much I could sink my teeth into. Now I realize what had been eluding me: the twin colossal forces of Kung Fu and Rock & Roll.

According to a recent item on imdb.com, your one-stop shop for journalistic integrity, a new Broadway musical is in the works about martial arts legend Bruce Lee. As is if that aesthetic pairing was not weird enough, the music for the show will be provided by none other than David Bowie! That’s right, kids! The Way Of The Intercepting Fist will be put to glorious song by The White Duke, himself. I envision vast battalions of singing, dancing, kung fu warriors doing battle with Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars in the show-stopping finale “AAAAIIIIIIYYYEEEEEEAAAAHHH!” Wouldn’t it be awesome if Kareem Abdul-Jabbar made an appearance, so that he and whoever’s playing Bruce could duet on “Anything You Can Kick, I Can Kick Better?” I can’t wait for the inevitable Jackie Chan/Iggy Pop follow-up, which I think should be titled “I Gotta Rust for Rife.”

Why weren’t there shows like this in the mid to late 1990s? If only my evil drama club advisor had had the foresight to inject some heavy metal and ass kicking into the shows we were doing! “The Sound of Music” would have totally rocked if Fraulein Maria had traded in her nun guitar for a kick-ass Stratocaster and whipped those little von Trapp bastards into a band of sword-wielding blonde assassins that put an end to Nazi tyranny. That would have been The Balls!

By the way, I haven’t had time to learn Photoshop yet, so those of you who want to see what Bruce Lee would look like in full 1970s Bowie makeup (and who doesn’t?!), please have at the two (crappy) photos posted above. I have a feeling it will be amazing.